CREDITS
designer:haryani
Thursday, December 28, 2006
words.
I'm very much a words person.
More often then not,
I'll have them words, stringed together randomly in my head,
much like the notes of an nostalgic old song, lulling me back and forth in my thoughts.
Words I'd have liked to hear, words I've tried to say.
Sometimes I'd wish that the same string of words, were said by someone else,
other times I'd wish I could retract all them words I had given another.
Rewind. Erase. Disappear.
And leave it at that.
Then there were the times 'want' kicks in ;
'want' time to rearrange itself to fit the words,
'want' words to just change the meanings they're condemned to entail.
But they won't. Can't.
Lie.
Illusion, delusion, anything our minds would craft, just from some words, just to please our 'wants'.
Stop lying to me - words.
error
12:50 am
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
RISK.
Surfing through random websites here and there, I came across this page which had my cousin on it (He was being quoted, or more like interviewed about his line of work-something along the military lines).
The one I never really got to know.
More like never realised was my cousin. (Your friend here never was much of a fan of extended family reunions.)
But that's just how death strikes eh?
Randomly,without a regard for one's loved ones, without a care bout' how bright that person's future was gonna be or even how much he/she was going to be missed.
All those possibilities.
Made impossible in a matter of minutes.
That webpage suddenly made me feel like checking out his friendster profile-again, perhaps catch a fragment of what he was like when he was still alive. And when I got to that page, I remembered what I had thought of him when I first laid eyes upon that page.
I had thought to myself,
"wah lau eh, this guy damn loh-soh leh, friendster profile write so much" .
And simply brushed it all off as a bout of loh-soh-ness which most of us undergo when feeling bored to the extreme.
But today, as I reread every single one of those words he had typed, I've come to this realisation that he must have been quite a open person. Open in the sense that he's someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. See, my belief is that most people-that's us, are too humji(chicken) to reveal to everyone who we truly are, what we love, what we believe in. Therefore, to type them all down in such a public webpage, I think that takes alot of courage and risk. Risk especially.
See, during my stayover at the ice and dust dome that is Kry's house, she showed me this poem by some anonymous person, it goes like this -RISKTo laugh is to risk appearing a fool.To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.To reach out for another is to risk involvement,To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.To place your ideals,your dreams before a crowd, is to risk their loss. To love is to risk not being loved in return.To live is to risk dyingTo hope is to risk despairTo try is to risk failure.Yet risks must be taken.Because the greatest hazard in life is risking NOTHING. For the person who risks nothingDoes nothing.Has nothingIs nothing.Self-realisation is harder then self-sacrifice. Ignoring the literary aspect of this poem, I guess it pretty much describes about how just about everything we do is a risk towards something we're trying to protect. Yup yup, that's why I think that this cousin I never knew, really ought to be given a heck load of cred for being that somebody most of us have no guts to be. Anyway, this is a much repeated line among his friends. Taken from his friendster profile, here's some food for thought for you peeps- "Being contented with what you have makes you happy; but fighting for what you don't have, stretches your happiness ."- Ong JiaHui(160481-150605)
error
10:59 pm
Saturday, December 16, 2006
JUMPIN' JELLYFISH!
I'm an old-tech idiot.
Couple of days ago I came to realise that sitting pretty above my DVD/VCD player was a VCR!!!!!!!!!!
Jumpin' Jellyfish! Haven't seen one of those for DECADES!!! (I'm 18....started watching vcds at....9? almost a decade lah~)
So, I dug out my old 'The Little Mermaid" video from this discarded cupboard under the TV and tried to play it with my new found VCR, which I bet was there, along with the DVD/VCD player LONGGGG ago~
But problem was, I didn't know how to use it~
More like I've forgotten how to use VCRs. -.-"
I then decided that perhaps the video wasn't working anymore and chucked the idea of watching old disney movies altogether for the time being.
BUT, one fine evening (last night), after the last of the sardines left my humble sanctuary, I continued piecing together my birthday jigsaw (the sky section where juney left off.
JUNEY : I GOT MOST OF IT-the sky, TOGETHER ALREADY! lol~) when a random thought struck me -
"I WANT TO WATCH BEAUTY AND THE BEAST."
Blame it on the holidays if you must, they always had that effect on evoking significantly higher levels of randomsity then other times of the year.
And next morning, after a rather brain-numbing bout of sinus (your brain stops with every sneeze you take , read that somewhere) I remembered my deep desire to watch "Beauty and the Beast" and as such, my quest on "HOW TO USE A VCR" began.
The night before, while reminiscing about my childhood- how I used to be able to watch animated movies like "The little Mermaid", "Beauty and the Beast","Sleeping Beauty","Aladdin", "Cinderella", "Snow White","Anastasia"and "MULAN" too when vcds came to be, etc etc....like 30 to 50 times throughout my childhood-I suddenly realised that to watch a video tape, you're supposed to REWIND it first!!!!
ali ali ali~
When will you ever learn~ -.-"
Anyway~
Yeah, was pretty crazy about the whole singing-dialogue, the splendor of colours and lots and lots of magic combination~
In fact, I think I still am a sucker for such stuff.
Came across this quote quite some time ago,
"What one loves in Childhood stays in the heart forever" by Mary Jo Putney.
Not sure who she is/was, but while that quote somewhat applies, ok, completely applies to me, sometimes I wish it didn't.
As you get older, the number of new things to fall in love for just diminishes eh?
I have this theory - the heart isn't capable of loving infinitely, isn't able to love more without the expense of ceasing to love some of the things it used to love ,which is most of the time impossible for some reason.
Now let's hope that such a theory isn't accurate for human beings.
Till then.....
SEBASTIAN IS A CRAB!!!
NOT A LOBSTER ,ALL YOU BLURPOKS WHO THINK HE'S A LOBSTER!!!
HE SAID SO HIMSELF ON "THE LITTLE MERMAID".
error
11:00 pm
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Latest This morning.
This happened at 6:21 am this morning.
Bella : "This is damn bloody late but happy belated 18th Birthday mummy-in-law!!! See. I added in law . To make you happy. Anyway, I hope that the year ahead bring you lots of goodtimes and good health. May you find happiness in all that do you. I love you. And my apologies . I just remembered."
me : "OMG, bella don't you sleep??? And thank you!!"
Bella : "WHAT ABOUT YOU??? Why aren't you sleeping??"
me : "erm, you woke me up bella. lol~"
lol~
I love you lah Bella BEAR~
error
11:53 am
The 2nd Brithday Ritual
The 2nd birthday ritual given by the befallen and late Angel.
Her Happy birthday song went like, "Happy birthday to YOOOO~".
I hope it was deliberate~hehe~
error
11:48 am
Friday, December 08, 2006
Special Or Loved?
Special.
everybody seems to want to be special.
Some recognise that they're special - just like everyone else.
Others see themselves as the one and only themselves - not like everybody else.
That everybody else just kind of all look,sound and feel the same.
So now, most of us are a year older, supposedly a year wiser and more in tune with the rest of the world.
But somehow, I've come to realise that despite all that comes with getting older, we all wanna feel how we did when we were kids : that we are special.
Let's take birthdays for instance. See, there's the whole birthday cake with the candles on it ritual which no birthday would seem complete without. The birthday kiddos sit in the centre with the cake and everyone around him or her is supposed to sing the birthday kiddos the orthodox "happy birthday to you" song.
Then there's the 'prize presentation ceremony', whereby the witnesses of this being's passing of age hands the kiddo a birthday present. And the kiddo opens it, squeals/gasps/smiles weakly/swears/insert whichever emotion befitting of the situation, before thanking the givers for their kind thought and gesture graciously(provided our character in mind is taught proper manners of course).
Personally, such 'rituals' really look like something that screams ,
"HEY !!! LOOK AT ME, I AM SPECIAL!!!" , no matter the setting.
But people seem to forget one thing.
More then special, we want to feel loved.
Kinda duH, but you'd be surprised how many people actually come to comprehend this innate desire to feel loved. To be special, is to be irreplaceable to a certain someone or group of people. To be loved, is to be someone who brings joy to that person loving you. You can be 'special' without being loved, but you most certainly cannot be loved without being 'special' .
You could be some lucky kid with the most awesome and elaborate birthday party ever possibly planned and executed, attended by the coolest and most dazzling crowd ever. Or perhaps the priciest and desired gifts created by the consumerist markets we are embedded in today. Yes, you're the special kid.
Maybe you'd be just some random kid with just a a handful of friends who remembered your birthday. Perhaps the only form of birthday ritual you had was a simple and plain cake cum birthday song with your immediate family. Or dinner with some of those handful of people who've remembered your birthday, minus the befallen Angel cos' she couldn't make it on time. Followed by what might seem uninteresting to most prying eyes wandering about unfamiliar grounds here, but chockful of memories for you - the drunkard like strolls, the tourist-gaze upon everything and anything around you, coffee at some over popularised and overrated coffee joint.
With the random surprises closer to home but from yet another branch of that over popularised and overated coffee joint.
Are you special? Maybe.
Are you loved? Definitely.
I'm glad I'm that random kid.
I'm 18, my darlings.
Aging never felt so AWESOME.
:)
error
11:54 pm
Thursday, December 07, 2006
My Year in Review
Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2006. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your "Year In Review."
January : bye bye '05.
February : DEFEAT.
March : DEATH. wahahahaha!
April : Just takes some time.
May : I'm 'ALWAYS COMPLAINING' and I 'HATE EVERYONE'
June : No title, the first post ofJune consisted of nothing but many many many pictures of Pinkies that I wanted.
July : Letter.
August : I love..
September : Have and Had.
October : from lesh's blog.
November : HAP-PEE WEE-EK
December : Birthday Wishlist as requested. (UPDATED)
Hmm...if my year is based upon the above blog post titles, we can conclude that I had one hell of a random year.
-.-"
error
9:50 pm
Sick. In every sense.
The recipe to get sick :
1. Get yourself down to the ice and dust dome in the form of krystelle 's room for the 2nd time in a week.
2.Refuse to consume anything made by Miss Valladeres cos' that would just spell instant death.
3. Instead, order Macs and have it for dinner at 9 pm.
4. eat it over the most retarded frat boy comedies and chick flicks.
5. sleep at close to 4 am in the ice and dust dome.
6. Wake up, up to a grand total of 7 times in the middle of the night to find yourself just about the best heat-trapping sleeping position possible.
7. donate blood on the very next day while extremely zonked out.
I am super super super tired right now~~~~~~~~~
My mum was scolding me like shit for donating blood~
Those closer to me ought to know why~
I've just realised that I was tired even before I entered the ice and dust dome. That just makes things worse eh? Play play play without a regard for your health.
I guess most of us just want to make the most out of our times, having fun with friends, sharing a couple of insightful conversations with frequent interjections of laughter and smiles -
I know I do.
But we never fail to realise that sometimes trying too hard and putting in a whole world's effort to keep what we think we still have, as terrible as it sounds, is meaningless, if not an utter waste of everybody's time and energy.
See, simply because we're young, we think we hav all the energy in the world to accommodate anything, at the expense of our physical limits. Perhaps some of you guys don't have those limits, but I have them. And beyond a certain perimeter of my physical and mental well-being, even the most looked forward to event or gathering would be pointless.
Sometimes it's just darn difficult to say 'No' now isn't it?
If only things could revert to it's most essential forms - "Be bold, say no" anyone?
Maybe I should just chuck the whole idea of meaningless writings about pointless efforts and get myself some well deserved sleep.
Good night.
error
8:36 pm
Sunday, December 03, 2006
WHAT A WEEK~
Hmmm....
Lots of stuff happened the past week.
I shall use the 'listing method' to briefly summarise them all in as much a chronological way as possible!
MONTH OF GIVING VOLUNTEER BRIEFING.
Briefing by penguins.
Pepsi Cola 1,2,3 in the middle of J8.
White chocolate dreams at Coffeebean and tea leaf with my daughter-in-law and daughters.
The shocking, sad and happy news about love lost and found.
More lost then found though~
CAMPING AT THE INFLUENZA MINE FIELD.
Bringing my blankie 400m over to kway's influenza war zone (her room).
Holey pink over blue hockey socks.
Foiled Bridget Jones sessions.
Cancerous pizza for breakfast.
Dreams about bread with WAY too much margarine. -.-"
Hong Kong drama serials.
A DREAM TIED FOR EITHER THE STUPIDEST OR SADDEST DREAM OF THE YEAR.
A dream about sis dying in the most retarded fashion ever(can't remember exactly how) and me crying like shit over it.
BEYOND FREQUENCY GATHERING AT KRY'S PLACE.
nothing exciting, only one to incite.
yet the faces and company of friends very much missed was good. :)
if not for (^&%$ russians.
yes, I don't like that russian.
And yes, it's very obvious isn't it?
I like matters of the heart(hatred for this instance) plain and simply stated.
Especially so for those very much UNadored, if not that of which I am totally disgusted by.
Sorry(or perhaps not), your friend neither forgives, nor forgets easily.
Perhaps forgetting is easier then forgiving sometimes.
At least that's the case for me, I think.
Anyway, prata at 00:00 with krystelle,angel and xl cheered me up quite some bit.
Nothing like a late night prata BOMB, milo dinosaur and good company to lighten up any disgusted personnel!
Spent the night over at an ice and dust dome(kry's room).
Dreamt yet another retarded dream, that of my attendance to the &*$%$@ russian and kry's wedding in a black burqa, mourning as if krys died ,in the middle of the exchange of vows. (*F.Y.I Initially I had intended to send wraths of condolences and wear black from head to toe with a black veil over my face and throw black rose petals everywhere should something as tragic as a dear friend of mine getting married to that *%$&#* russian.)
XY's BIRTHDAY!
2 corpses arrived at wheelock 30 minutes later then the agreed time.
one doubled back cos' the all important gifts and cards were left at home.
that corpse was me.
-.-"
Cedele sandwiches were good.
Bugs on the lettuce leaves-not so good. (told you, we should have gone to some CHEESE FORTRESS like NYDC or Big O or something~lol~)
xy flinging her plate 1 metre away-rather amusing.
**ps. xy, you're always the suay one eh? lol~nvm lah, as said UPTEEMTH times before, just my love for you ought to be enough for you to brave through all your suay-ness right right right? lol~
birthday girl got a free sandwich as a result of the friendly bug saying hi to her on her b'day.
I also want a bug to say hi to me!
Apple nut CHEESE cake was AWESOME- I have great taste eh eh eh? :D
Chocolate banana something, can't remember, was unmemorable and forgettable, both of which basically mean that it wasn't that AWESOME.
Walked around town doing retarded and silly things as if not a day has passed since our sec sch daily retarded-going-back-to-class-from-the-canteen ritual days.
Without a doubt,
I love the sardines.
And that's the only kind of love I can handle.
:)
error
10:27 pm
Friday, December 01, 2006
Birthday Wishlist as requested. (UPDATED)
As requested by the sardines................
1. Birkenstocks Madrid Field of flowers blue/Madrid Rain of flowers orange/Gizeh Aster white/Gizeh Art Flowers Green (SIZE 36!)
2. 2007 Calender (365 days)
3. Classic pooh jigsaw (picnic/snowy chirstmas tree) and frame
4. new clothes (t-shirts/shirts please, I'm too lazy to shop for my own~)
5. Studio Ghibli complete works(DVD with Japanese/Chinese soundtrack and English subtitles) !
(with the exception of Howl's moving castle, have that already~)
6. Howl's moving castle and Castle in the air both by Diana Wynne Jones.
7. Card Captor Sakura vcd set!
8. repair my CD player (please just write my dad this LOOOONG LONNNG appeal letter to stop depriving his poor child of the most primal form of entertainment known to men)
9. CDs to play on my repaired CD player. (PINK MARTINI -SYMPATHIQUE)!
10. HUGE storage box with lots of compartments big and small for my pinkies! (current one is full already -.-")
11. KiraKira PUCCHI PINKY!
Hmmm.......think that's about it~
Actually anything is fineeee lahhhh~
As cliche as it is, "it's the thought that counts".
really.
error
8:45 pm