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Friday, August 19, 2005

LOW.

Had a pretty good week this week.
Didn't get struck by any sudden jolts of 'depression' (which I really reckon is PMS,which isn't very likely for certain biological reasons which I shan't mention.)
Then everything had to go downhill from there.

Hmmm.....let's see now....
Hockey's trimming down from 26 to 20.
So 6 are gonna have to go.
And I have this funny feeling that I'll be one of them.

Frankly, I'm not as strong as the others in Hockey.
Skills wise...I can only say I'm trying.
attendance wise....I go for all the compulsory trainings, unless I'm really not feeling well lah. And strangely I've getting more frequent bouts of headaches/migraines/momentary loss of hearing.....etc....
So guess that explains why I pon with no good reason?
haha.

Cos' I don't really fancy the idea of picking up strayed balls when my head is slicing my insides.

But if I really do get kicked out of Hockey, well, of course I'd be upset and all, but hey, everything happens for a reason right?
So yeah....maybe I'm just not good enough.
Guess I should start hunting for a new CCA soon.
Maybe I should quit before I get kicked out just to save myself what little of my pride I have left.

But part of me just wishes that I wouldn't get kicked out.
I mean, I'd be seeing my hockey friends less frequently,even though we're in the same school but still~
I wouldn't get to really tire myself out anymore, since I've lost my determination for that.

And before things got any better, this teacher-in-charge of OCIP told us that one of the criterias to be selected for OCIP was the bloody Mid year results.

SHIT LAH.

I did so badly for my mid years that I refuse to say what I got here.
If results form the core of the selection process, then bye bye OCIP.

Now, during the holidays there would be quite a number of really interesting and what I believe is meaningful . Stuff like tutoring,rebuilding places destroyed by the boxing day Tsunami, interacting with the people there, learning more about their culture and traditions,checking out the toilet by the cliff.....yadah yadah...

So yeah, I really really really want to go.
And I really really really think I can play some role to help.
I mean I'm no freeloader who simply uses public funds to have fun like what Mr Isaac Lim said.
I don't do CIP for the sake of beautifying my student records, whatever use that'll be.
I just want to help.

So why are my results such an important factor in helping some MALE teacher, who has absolutely NO IDEA who I am and what am I like, decide whether do I have the right to go for the OCIP or not??

I mean, sure poor grades indicate to certain stuff like, lack of determination, no drive, not intellectually talented and all that crap, but aren't Community Involvement Projects meant to develop our hearts and not a showcase of our intellect to others ?

Wanting to help needs no IQ of 100 and above.
It's simply an inner desire and wish to care for those who think they've been forgotten.
And nobody who THINKS of wanting to help would truly put in their hearts and souls into helping others. Their main motivation is THEMSELVES.

And you know what's on the form?
The usual name, NIRC,Passport expiry date.........father's name......
Then. MID YEAR RESULTS. MARKS. GRADES.

SHIT.

CCA. (current and past)

Nothing much to be proud of .
I mean NPCC and Hockey (which you might get kicked out of real soon?) isn't what I would say an outstanding CCA record on the account that there's only one line for that, so you're not really given a chance to introduce what you do during your CCA for the teacher-in-charge.

Talents/specialties/Expertise.

WTH.

All I can do is convert Oxygen to Carbon dioxide without screwing the whole process up.
Like, hurray~

Sigh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My confidence has gone to an all time low of well, LOW.

Damn all these negativity .

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11:36 pm