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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Wrong.

I don't belong to my class.
I don't belong to any group/gang/clique in my class.
I don't belong to no one.

It's like I have some disease or something.
There's just this invisible wall between them and me.
I think they know it too.
But out of courtesy they don't do much about it except employ the, "if you don't bother me, I won't bother you" ideology.

I don't know whether am I over-sensitive or something, but if you've known me for some time, you should know I'm not.

I can tell.
I used it before, as much as I'd hate to admit.
And only now do I realize how much that sucks.
And I'm really very sorry about that...

Guess that's my retribution or something.

But I'm cool with it.
No point flaring over a bunch of people who refuse to know me or think they do.
No point getting pissed off by something that wasn't done by them.
Actually that's exactly what it is. NOTHING.

You know, sometimes it's really difficult to remember to ask yourself what went wrong. Not others. Yourself.
We're all so caught up with our own life that I guess everyone just sorta unconsciously assumes that what others have done is wrong, not themselves.

So I really wonder what did I do wrongly.
Was it the way I like to comment about everything?
Was it the way I can't help but eavesdrop into other peoples' conversations then comment again?
Was it the way how I'm always 'enthu' for everything?
Was it the way I suan others so frequently?

God knows.
But I'm not Him.
If anyone was pissed off by me, why can't they just say so ?
How else would I know??

And it's just my class.
My CCA friends are great.
My NDP friends are real nice.
Even my OG friends are more affable towards me.

So what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't bitch about others behind their backs.
I don't steal.
I don't murder.
I don't dao.
I don't zhi bi.
I don't lian.
I don't bimbo.
I don't do drugs.
I don't sprout vulgarities as much as I could have.
I eat my vegetables.

What is wrong with me?
Frankly, this insecurities shit is eating me.
Pity it doesn't take fats.

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11:04 pm