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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

What Now ?

What Now ?

" the worst kind of pity is when you feel for yourself.
neither here nor there.
I just want to be sick"

Those 3 lines struck me pretty badly.

And yes, it was from some undisclosed blog belonging to someone who didn't do good or bad for his O'levels.
Same scenario as your's truly.

Frankly, now that I think of it...that dude did not mention explicitly how much he received for the O'levels .
But "neither here nor there.."
I'm assuming that that's around my score.

But "pity" .
Wow.
I never thought of my results as a disgrace or what deserves pity.
Cos' it isn't.

I was in the car with my mum a while ago. We were driving to CJ to have an estimate on how long the journey would take [1 min to be exact. So slow hoh? Got traffic jam what to do~lol ]
And my mother commented,

mother : "What went wrong? " .

me: "I don't know...messed up here and there...Didn't score in what I could score in...And didn;t score in what I couldn't score in..."

mother : "Was it cos your teachers used wrong methods to teach you?"

me : * heatedly*"No. My teachers ARE GOOD teachers."

mother : diams.

After 5 mins.

mother : "During your prelims I can tell that you put in alot more effort then your actual O's...."

How do I react in such a case?

I know I didn't push myself to the limits for the O's...but strangely I just didn't feel like owning up to that fact . Neither did I feel like pushing the blame to anything else. Cos it's centered around me essentially anyway.

But NO. I don't pity myself.

Sighz.

3 more days to the end of JAE application.
And I'm as blur as ever about where to go.

1stly. 13 points.
People go to AJC with 9-11 points.
I got 13.
That pretty much tells you where I stand , SHOULD I return [ok, be ABLE to return to AJ].

2ndly. 13 points.
AJ has this "no one with more than 10 points are NOT allowed to take 4 subjects."
WTH....

3rdly. 13 points.
Which JC am I eligible for AND[note ah, conditions are set] not have to wake up at day break to go to school [yesh. Sleep is a VERY important component of my life~] ?

It's the make or break time.

Sian-ed by the si Singaporean education system.

Then again...
Is that me pushing the blame to something else now?

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9:10 pm