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Monday, November 22, 2004

There She Goes.

There she goes.

I feel real bad today and yesterday.

I got a -what I think is decent- prom dress.
I got a whole lot of -what I think are decent- prom accessories.
I got a new watch.
I got my dad's promise that he'll get me a new mP3 player.
I got a bloody expensive and not say fantastic hair cut.
I got so many other stuff which I can't even remember at the moment.

Gosh...I think my folks really blew one hell of a hole in their money bags in a matter of 2 days. I don't even have the guts to actually ask my mum how much she paid for all that stuff. (Or am I just making excuses cos I'm lazy? )

All that even before my O'level results are out.

Gosh....I'm like sooooo friggin' scared now...thoughts like, "What if I don't do as well as I should ?", "What if I do reaaaaalllllllly horriblely?" and "What if my parents become a laughing stock cos' of my results?" (tt's cos he went around telling people he has a smart daughter....yadda...yadda...).

Bleah.

If that really happens (touch wood!),I think I'm someone who might just break down and cry. I sacrificed way too much of my happiness, my freedom and my sanity these past 2 years. If so, you say, I shouldn't really be worried right? Wrong. That's cos I really slackened alot just before the O's. Overconfidence? No. Just tired....really really drained to the core...

Slap me if you must. But this is me. If you can't accept me for the workaholic/crappaholic/cannot-slack-aholic that I am...So be it. Don't really need these type of creatures in my life anyway eh?

Acceptence was one big word to me when I was still in kindergarten. It still is now. It is something not everyone or even one is able to do easily. Everyone was born prejudence-free...just what went wrong?
Was it our parents?
Was it our friends?
Was it the media?
Or was it reality?

Allamat, getting too serious again eh? Guess it's the night. Alison has a day-mode, a night-mode,a rain-mode and many others even she doesn't know eh? She's a weirdo I know. She's me and I love her cos...She's the only one who will always be there for me as I am there for her.

I'm a weirdo and this weird weather these days are just making me weirder.

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9:41 pm